Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage: A Guide for Mums Seeking Meaningful Change

First of all, let me just say this, you’ve already taken a huge step by being here.

Recognising the patterns that hold us back is not easy, but it’s the first step toward breaking free from chronic stress and burnout.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure why your efforts to create change keep falling short, you’re not alone. 

Many of the women I work with feel the same way, juggling work, family, and the expectations they place on themselves can feel like trying to climb a mountain with a boulder strapped to your back.

Let’s unpack this together.

Why We Self-Sabotage

When you set goals or start working toward meaningful changes, have you ever noticed that resistance shows up? 

Suddenly, procrastination creeps in, or you find yourself avoiding accountability.

Maybe you turn to comfort eating or feel a strong urge to keep pushing forward, even though it’s clear you’re running on empty.

These are forms of self-sabotage.

It’s not because you’re lazy or unmotivated, it’s because your brain is wired to seek safety. 

Self-sabotaging behaviours can feel like a safe haven in the short term, but over time, they pull us further away from the things we truly want.

Signs You Might Be Stuck in Self-Sabotage

Can you relate to any of these?

• You focus more on what’s going wrong than what’s going right.

  
  

• You’re constantly worried about the “what ifs” of the future.

  
  

• You struggle to see your value or recall personal achievements.

  
  

• You find yourself comparing your life to others and feeling like you don’t measure up.

  
  

• You feel disconnected from a sense of purpose or joy.

These patterns often stem from a lack of self-worth, a deeply ingrained belief that you’re not enough. 

And while these feelings are incredibly common, they don’t have to define you.

Why Change Feels So Hard

Here’s the thing: your brain likes what’s familiar. 

Even when a belief or behaviour isn’t serving you, it’s easier for your brain to stick to it than to rewrite the narrative.

I recently read a book called The Modern Trauma by Christy Gibson, where she talks about this. It’s called cognitive dissonance.

When there’s a disconnect between what you want and what you believe, your brain will often default to old habits because it feels safer.

How to Break Free

The good news is, that change is possible. 

But it starts with small, intentional actions.

1. Set Smaller, More Achievable Goals 

For many high-achieving, perfectionist women, this can feel counterintuitive.

But starting small helps build momentum and confidence.

For example, instead of trying to overhaul your entire routine, focus on adding one small habit that nurtures you, like taking 10 minutes for yourself each morning or packing a healthy lunch.

When my boys were very young, I remember the pressure I put on myself to “do it all.”

But I learned to lower my standards, simplify my days, and focus on what truly mattered. This mindset shift allowed me to find meaning and joy in even the smallest accomplishments.

2. Practise Self-Love 

Rebuilding your sense of self-worth takes time, but incorporating small acts of self-love into your day can help:

• Treat yourself to your favourite meal without guilt.

  
  

• Buy yourself flowers or light your favourite candle.

  
  

• Dance around to a song that lifts your mood.

  
  

• Spend time outdoors: take a walk, have a picnic, or just sit in the sun.

  
  

• Write down affirmations or mantras that resonate with you and put them somewhere visible.

These actions might seem small, but they’re powerful reminders that you’re worth the time and effort.

3. Seek Support 

Breaking free from self-sabotage can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone.

A coach can help you identify your patterns, develop strategies to move forward and keep you accountable when things get tough.

Forgive Yourself and Move Forward

One of the most important steps in this journey is self-forgiveness. 

We’ve all made choices we’re not proud of but holding onto guilt only keeps us stuck.

Forgive yourself for the times you fell short, and give yourself the grace to start fresh.

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

If you’re curious about how career and burnout coaching could support you, let’s have a chat.

You deserve to feel energised, fulfilled, and at peace and I’d love to help you get there - book a free chat here.

Join the free Burnout Recovery Mini Course for women who want to restore their energy and avoid burnout without sacrificing their ambition. Sign up here