When Healing Feels Hard: Exploring Why We Resist Moving On

When I think about the clients I’ve worked with, so many of them have faced tough challenges like anxiety, depression, PTSD, or adjustment disorders.

What amazes me is how often I see them push through and find ways to move forward. But sometimes, despite all their effort, they stay stuck, as if something deep down is resisting the healing process.

Over the years, I’ve noticed some common reasons why this happens, and I want to share them with you. Maybe these insights will help you see where you might be feeling stuck in your own journey.

Tying your identity to pain or trauma

Sometimes, people’s sense of who they are becomes tied to their trauma or pain. Whether it’s feelings like anger, resentment, or fear, holding onto those emotions can feel justified. It helps them validate their experience and avoid taking steps toward change. But in the long run, staying attached to this identity only extends their suffering.

The biggest breakthroughs happen when someone decides not to let their past define their future. Letting go is hard, there’s no denying that. But those who do it often describe feeling lighter, more empowered, and ready to take back control of their lives.

Staying stuck feels safer

Sometimes, staying in a place of pain feels oddly safe. Moving forward means facing fears, whether it’s the fear of failure, rejection, or even the possibility of getting injured again.

It’s like falling off a bike as a kid. After that first fall, getting back on can feel terrifying. But if you avoid it, you also miss out on the joy, freedom, and confidence that come with learning to ride.

When we focus only on avoiding discomfort, we lose sight of the bigger picture, and the possibilities and rewards that come when we choose courage over fear.

The hidden benefits of being stuck

This one’s tricky to admit but important to recognise. Sometimes, there are benefits to staying stuck. It might be extra support from loved ones, financial assistance, or even the comfort of not having to face big changes.

While these benefits might feel like a relief at first, over time, they often come at a cost: missed opportunities, stalled personal growth, and a sense of being trapped. Realising this can be tough, but it’s also a powerful moment of clarity that can spark change.

Take a moment to reflect

If you’re feeling stuck, grab a journal and explore these questions:

• Have I built part of my identity around my challenges?

• How does that help or hold me back?

• Am I staying in my comfort zone because it feels safer?

• What am I really afraid of?

• Are there benefits I’m getting from being stuck?

• How do they compare to the cost of staying where I am?

Be honest with yourself, without judgment. Awareness is the first step to breaking free and creating the life you truly deserve. You’ve got this.

Not sure where to start? Join the free Burnout Recovery Mini Course for women who want to restore their energy and avoid burnout without sacrificing their ambition. Sign up here