The Two Kinds of Motivation: One Drains You, One Sustains You, A Career & Burnout Coach Perspective
- Merly Hartnett
- Aug 16
- 4 min read
When you’re feeling burned out, the last thing you need is another thing to add to your long list of things to do.
That’s why the first month of my burnout recovery and resilience program isn’t about “fixing” everything at once. Instead, it’s about slowing down, tuning in, and creating space to reconnect with you.
You might even come to our first session without any set goals, just a simple action step, such as setting a daily commitment like 15 minutes each day to think, explore, or simply be.
For one client recently, that's exactly what she did, and in that time, that could also mean taking a nap. Not catching up on housework, not listening to a podcast, going to Coles to pick up dinner or ticking off “productive” tasks.
Just sleep.
And it was perfect.
Because this process isn’t about squeezing more into your day, it’s about showing up for yourself in a way that feels doable and giving your mind and body permission to rest.
For many ambitious, driven, high-functioning working mums, giving themselves permission to take up space to rest can feel unnatural and even selfish.
But once we allow ourselves to prioritise you, that’s when the magic begins.
That’s when we can start working on creating a life vision that inspires your goals, instead of the other way around.
Why We Begin With Your Vision
Inside your Welcome Packet, you’ll find a vision worksheet. At first glance, it might seem a little “woo woo” or fluffy compared to what you’d expect from a recovery plan, but there’s a reason it’s one of the first tools I use.
The truth is, most of us create goals from one of two places: fear or love (development).
And understanding the difference between these two is crucial if you want change that lasts.
The Two Types of Motivation
1. Fear-Based Motivation
Fear-based goals are driven by the desire to avoid something bad.
They’re rooted in anxiety, guilt, or a sense of deficiency that feeling of “I’m not enough unless…”
There are two main types:
Deficiency-Based: You feel there’s something missing or wrong with you that needs fixing.
Example: “I should practise self-care, otherwise I’ll burn out.”
Underlying feeling: “I’m not doing enough. I’m falling short.”
Threat-Based: You act to avoid a specific negative consequence.
Example: “If I don’t get on top of this, I might not have the confidence to return to work.”
Underlying feeling: “Something bad will happen if I don’t act.”
Why it’s not sustainable: Fear-based motivation can give you an initial push, like booking a burnout clarity call, but it’s exhausting to live in that state.
The pressure, guilt, and self-criticism eventually lead to resistance or even burnout all over again, creating a perpetuating cycle.
Operating from fear also keeps your nervous system in a constant stress state, which makes rest and recovery harder.
On the other hand, development-based goals are driven by growth, fulfilment, curiosity, and love. They’re not about fixing yourself, they’re about expanding into the life you truly want.
2. Development-Based Motivation
With this type of motivation, you’re pulled forward because you want to, not pushed from behind because you feel you have to.
Example: “I want to practise self-care because it makes me feel energised and present with my kids.”
Example: “I want to feel confident so I can say yes to opportunities that excite me.”
Why it works long-term: Developmental motivation taps into intrinsic reward, the act itself feels satisfying, even before you “reach” the goal. It builds resilience because you’re acting from a place of possibility, not fear.
Your nervous system feels safer, making it easier to sustain habits and make empowered choices.
How We Use This in the First 30 Days
In the early stages of burnout recovery, your energy is precious. That’s why we spend our first month together shifting the way you approach your goals:
Notice where fear shows up. We explore the “shoulds” and “what ifs” that might be driving your decisions.
Reframe your goals. We rewrite them so they’re grounded in what you want to feel, experience, and create.
Anchor them in your vision. Your vision becomes your compass ... a reminder of the life you’re moving toward, rather than the one you’re running from.
By doing this, we move you out of survival mode and into a space where your actions feel lighter, more intentional, and most importantly… sustainable.
Burnout Recovery Isn’t About “Doing Better”
I know ... it doesn’t sound glamorous. And when it comes to self-care, it’s definitely not all bubble baths and spa days.
The truth is, recovery isn’t about forcing yourself to do better, which is often a by-product of traditional goal setting. It’s about creating a vision for your life that feels so good, you can’t help but move toward it.
If this post resonated with you and you’re ready to stop surviving and start thriving, I’d love to support you. Book a free chat here.
Comments